My old man loved to give advice.
So just before I married her indoors, he took me to one side for one of his examples of wisdom.
“When I married your mother", he said, "the first thing I did when we got home was take off my trousers”.
“I gave them to your mother and told her to put them on.
When she did, they were enormous on her and she said to me that she couldn't possibly wear them, as they were too large".
I told her, “Of course they're too big. I wear the trousers in this family and I always will.
” Ever since that day, we have never had a single problem.”
On our wedding night, and being full of confidence and wine and whisky, I remembered the old man’s advice.
With some difficulty, I took my trousers off and told her indoors to put them on.
So she says that the trousers were too big and she couldn't possibly wear them.
"Gotcha", I thought.
Like the smooth git I am, I slurred to her, “Remember wifey, I wear the trousers in this relationship and I always will. I don't want you to forget that.”
I lay on the bed thinking I'd sorted the house rules out straight away.
The wife took her knickers off and gave them to me.
“Try these on,” she said.
" So, thinking it was the start of some new sex game I tried them on but they were far too small.
“I can't possibly get into your knickers,” says I.
“Exactly,” she said, “And if you don't change your f *** ing attitude, you never will.”
And she wasn't bloody joking either!
Much more of the same here
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